Laura's Lilt

Last Few Months

2011-11-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

Well, I am so thankful to have a new career, and a job with a PAYCHECK!!! I had gone so long without working and having a paycheck while I was back in school that I didn't know how to act when I got my 1st check! I just felt so grateful. Job is going well and we really like living in Vestavia. Lately we have done several things.We have decorated our new bedroom. I made a Christmas wreath. We celebrated Dad and Tony's birthdays and had a good Thanksgiving. I am almost finished Christmas shopping already and I am looking forward to traveling abroad sometime in 2012! Sis is going to Morocco in January...lucky duck:) I am just so thankful to be out of school, close to family, and working.

Two Years Ago

2011-08-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, around this very date I was laying on a park bench in the dark of night beside the ocean in Japan, crying my guts out. It seems like so long ago, but at the same time, that pain is something that you never forget. It is the kind of pain, that makes your stomach fall out of your body and your chest constrict like a fist, squeezing you to death. It was the end of everything and the beginning of everything new. It was like walking while being dead. It was breathing when you didn't want to. It was horrible, unexplainable, hurtful, and necessary. It changed me forever, and that is ok. If I hadn't been there, I couldn't appreciate where I am now. I wouldn't be as thankful, or as strong, and as happy as I am now. Being a survivor is empowering. It's the club you never wanted to join, but you didn't have a choice. Survivor...I like the way that sounds! I am grateful for my life.
Laura

Claire in Elizabethtown, "I want you to get into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened,"

Why does life fly by when you get older?

2011-07-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

Me and Heather around 1980.

I have always been extremely sentimental...I think to my detriment. I miss being a child in many ways. Mostly because my parents were so young and fun, and me getting older means that they are also getting older.They were so good to us. We didn't have much money, but we had everything we needed and more. Life was good. I have always been family oriented. When I went off to college I wrote my parents a letter and told them how much I appreciated then and how much I had loved being in our family. We all cried together. I left for college when I was 17 so the better part of the last 17 years I have been away from my family for long periods of time. I have lived a lot of places, and loved traveling around, but I was never 100% happy because I was away from family. The last almost 2 years I have gotten to live close to my family, and it has been wonderful. I worry about the day when I will not have them anymore. I know that may sound morbid, but I have thought about these kinds of things ever since I was very young. I guess the moral of this post is that I need to show them how much I love them and appreciate them so that they know. Working in a nursing home is very rewarding, but it does constantly remind me of the brevity of life and the importance of saying I love you.

Vacation Toes

2011-04-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I do not have a huge post to write right now, but I did do my toes today:) Leaving in a little while for the mountains. Definitely need the break. My clinal is going great. I LOVE working with the children. When I start back next week, I will have 3 weeks left of clinicls and then a small break. Then back at the books, studying splinting and the business aspects of occupational therapy. Come on August...I can't wait to be done!!

5 months left of school!

2011-02-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

I feel like it was yesterday that I was just thinking about Occupational Therapy and now I am 2 weeks out from starting my 3rd of 4 clinicals. This is one of the BIG ones. We will be treating patients, making mistakes, and learning SO much. It is exciting and terrifying. And then, when we finish in August, we will have to take the certification exam which is $500 to $600 a pop and some people say it takes several times to pass it. Ahhh! But like my friend said "One day at a time!" I have to pass this semester first. I have made so many great friends in this program and I already feel sad that I will not see them everyday when we are on fieldwork. But I AIN'T gonna lie...I will be glad to graduate (if I do) and be done with homework!!! One day at a time, one day at a time, gotta try to remember that.

Thankful

2010-11-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

So I feel like I need to blog about the things I am thankful for so, here goes. I am thankful that a very painful year is behind me and wounds are healing and happiness returned. I am thankful that I have great parents who let me live with them until I could get back on my feet after the divorce. Who loaned me a car, fed me, bought me neccesities and fought for me to get a fair shake. They are the best most giving people. They wouldn't let me give up. They are strong and caring and I am BLESSED. I am thankful for my sister who started a group to channel the anger surrounding my divorce that not only helped me, but helps other people in need. I am thankful that she ALWAYS has my back and supports me. She makes me believe that I can do anything;) I am thankful for my granny who has been supportive and understanding and for my godparents who are always doing something sweet for me. I am also thankful for good, loyal friends. I am thankful for my dog, DON'T laugh, she is the best and she will never ask for a divorce. Lastly, I am thankful for Tony. He listens, he understands, he is patient, he takes care of me, he gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything. I know no person is perfect, and I don't believe in fairy tales, but I am very happy and Tony has helped me believe in people again- and that was no easy task. I am thankful for second chances.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

20's or 30's

2010-10-25T16:11:00.000-07:00

So, one of our questions on a test today was "Dispute or refute...the 20's are the best years of your life." I of course chose to refute it;) My 20's started off very tumultuous, all those new life factors and expectations coming into play. I suffered severe depression and identity issues. Yes, parts of it were exciting, but honestly, I love my thirties, so far anyway. I don't like feeling older, but what I do love is finally knowing who I am and what I am about. That took a long time for me. There is something great about knowing that I am my own person and that others can like it or leave it;) What would you choose? 20's or 30's?

Just Keep Swimming

2010-10-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

Well, just a quick little post to say that school is EVERY bit as hard as I anticipated! If not worse than I thought. It is so much harder than SEBC! And no, that wasn't easy either. I actually enjoy being around most of my classmates. I have made some nice friends, and have a lot of support from them. I feel like if I can make it through, I will enjoy this job. I have made good grades, but the hands on stuff freaks me out. Palpating muscles and memorizing the origins, insertions, and function of each is not fun to me. I would rather be playing playdough with the kids I observe on Fridays:) That is the therapy I am interested in!
Tony and I got a place together. We are close to the school. When (if) I graduate, I want to move back to Florida! I miss the beach. Heather is looking for land there too, and hopefully Mom and Dad will move too.
Happy fall to everybody! I am off to study for a test.

The fear and heart palpitations have returned.....

2010-08-11T17:50:00.000-07:00

That can only mean one thing...school is about to start. Next Wednesday in fact. I feel terror! Getting into the OTA program was a great feeling, but now the hard work begins! Today I purchased $660 in text books. Just looking at the books with ALL those words and body parts and muscles made me feel weak, and woozy, and oh so scared. I ALWAYS feel this way, every semester since the first time I set foot in a college classroom way back in 1993. Even when I get an A or good feedback from a teacher I still feel afraid. WHY is this? Maybe it is bc I am a doubting Thomas. Maybe it is bc my personality is dramatic. Whatever the reason...I do not like it. Sometimes I really do feel like I can't breathe. I am excited to be learning. I am grateful for this opportunity and I want to succeed. I just wish I didn't freak out!! I hope I can find a calm place in my mind to anchor myself!
Here we go!

More California Pics

2010-07-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

Row houses Clint Eastwood's restaurant and Inn Pebble Beach golf courseClint Eastwood's InnSan Fran Pier by the sealsNear Big Sur

San Fransisco

2010-07-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

My sister took us to Monterey Bay and Big Sur...it really is a beautiful place. We visited Pebble Beach golf club. We had dinner at Clint Eastwood's farm in Carmel. I love to visit Californina...mostly because my sister is there:) I am happy to announce that she is planning to move back to the east coast and that makes me wonderfully happy!

Winter

2010-02-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

I hate winter. I am sorry. I try to be grateful and think about how we need the cold to kill the pesky bugs that eat the garden, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is, I hate it. I don't like to be cold and stuck indoors. But if I did get philosophical about it...and here I go...I would have to say that the truth is, winter makes summer so much more wonderful. And being that I am in a "winter" season in my life, and being that things have been rough this past year...I know that when summer comes agian to my life, and I have to believe that it will...I will appreciate that "summer" season so much more than I did before. BUT! I do hope that summer comes soon:)

Grissmill in Childersburg

2010-01-17T15:30:00.000-08:00

Last week a friend of mine took me on a little adventure. We found this grissmill out in the boondocks. The beauty of it kinda made me forget that it is winter time...(blech). It was a fun trip!

Secret of Flying

2009-12-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

"All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it is going to hurt...if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelyhood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard."
~Douglas Adams

Cali and Friends

2009-12-19T22:22:00.000-08:00

Heather, Holly, and me in Napa

Heather's view

Birthday #33 Napa

Once Broken

2009-12-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

Once Broken, Always

A hundred pieces lay at her feet
Jagged edges, some smooth
We all have edges she thought.

Wishing,
Because she always wished
That she had the time to fit the pieces back together

Knowing,
Once broken, never the same,
Not plates, not vases, not people.

Why do places have different personalities?

2009-12-01T20:21:00.001-08:00

Have you ever thought about that before? Some places feel sad and forgotten like an old town. Some places feel like they have a secret. Others feel unfamiliar and cold. And some just feel like home. People have those traits too don't you think? Some people have an anxious vibe, like they are busy trying to get somewhere, but they never "get" there. Others feel like a cold winter day...gray. And some people just feel like home...safe. Who doesn't love that feeling, like you can just "be" and that it is okay.

A poem for Hey

2009-12-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Mole
By Zack Strait

(for Heeather)

You burrowed into my chest
and it tickled my ribs.

I've never been thin,
So I'm sure you stayed warm in there.

You'd look out at me all the time
with your beady little eyes.

Your home, which once offered a soft glow,
became a gaping wound
when you left.

It was then that I realized
you'd feasted on my soiled heart,
it was a freaking ten course meal.
All you left me were the scraps.

Who Moved My Cheese

2009-11-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

So I just finished reading, Who Moved My Cheese, by Spencer Johnson, M.D. This book is used often in corporations to help employees deal with sudden change, but I found it very helpful in general. Here are a few highlights that I found helpful (you can make "cheese" what you want it to be:)

CHANGE HAPPENS-they keep moving the cheese

ANTICIPATE CHANGE-Get ready for the cheese to move

MONITOR CHANGE-Smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old

ADAPT TO CHANGE QUICKLY-The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese

CHANGE-Move with the cheese

ENJOY CHANGE-Savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese

BE READY TO CHANGE QUICKLY AND ENJOY IT AGIAN AND AGAIN-They keep moving the cheese!

This book was a nice short read & I found it extremely helpful!

Gearing up for round 2

2009-11-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, so when I went to college the first time I was really afraid, but I always new that I would finish & that things would work out...so why now, my second time around, am I so terrified?? I guess it is because it has been "awhile" and also because I realize that if I don't do well then I have wasted money & will still need a career. Wow, that is so scary. Am I being paranoid? Am I going to do ok? Am I crazy for going back to school at this point in my life? This is something I really want to do. I think about the certification for occupational therapy and I freak out on the inside! I wish I didn't have to take it at the end of the program bc I have all this time to build up anxiety. UGH!
Going back to school is a neccesity. I don't want people to think that I am saying bad things about Southeastern Bible College...b/c I am not....and I value the time that I spent there, but I have had so much trouble with teacher certification b/c of my degree. I was able to get temporary certification in Florida, which was great, and I had a great taching job, but the school eventually closed...and then before I was able to test for full certification, we had to move for Eric's job.Has anybody else had those same issues with their SEBC degree? I guess that I do believe that things happen for a reason...some days I am not sure...I'm a doubting Thomas for sure. I am so excited & so nervous about the steps I am taking now. If you think of me, please so a prayer that I will do my best, be calm, and trust that things will turn out ok.
Other than fear, which I hope to be able to let go of...things here are ok. The separation is not going smoothly, and has become a stressful situation as far as legal matters go...but this is just a season, and I have had so many great seasons in my life, so I have to expect that I will have difficult ones too.

Things I say to myself:)

2009-10-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

1~ I can do this...whatever it happens to be that day.

2~ Stop focusing on yourself...have to remind myself a lot.

3~ Food is fuel...lol.

4~ It is what it is.

5~ Breathing deeply is very beneficial.

6~ Change is constant.

7~ Be good to your friends.

8~ I am not old, I am not old, I am not old....YET!

9~ I am what I think...

10~ Be positive.

11~ Be thankful.

12~ It is okay to fail.

May I Suggest the Group "The Swell."

2009-10-06T05:05:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATzyS4-f3Kw

Learning to trust people.

2009-10-05T03:57:00.000-07:00

I have never been very trusting of people. I guess that is a personality flaw of mine. But in light of recent circumstances I have had to trust in strangers for various things & I am so happy to say (write)that I have a new found trust in the human race! It feels amazing! Part of this new trust has come from the Japanese people. I have had a wonderful experience with my Japanese neighbors. My landlord is a much older woman whom I see frequently coming and going. She does not speak English, maybe a few random words like dog & walk is all. But she and I always find a way to communicate. It is so neat. She tells me thank you for sweeping the walkway. She speaks to my dogs when she passes. She brings me gifts of food, and yesterday she brought her daughter over to meet me. Her daughter speaks some English & the mother wanted her to ask me if I would teach some of her friends English. I was so honored & I would have loved to do it...that is when I had to get out my dictionary & show her the words divorce & move. They were sad, & the word the daughter used was "darn-it" said like "dahn eet." That made me laugh! We all giggle a lot when trying to communicate. Anyway, tonight I saw my landlord looking in the window waving. I went outside and she said in English "You ok?" It was so sweet! She is adorable. So very nice. My other Neighbor Sato San told me he was disappointed that I was leaving & wanted me to come back & visit the hot springs! He said that he would get me some information. I am all about some hot springs, lol. Anyway, many other experiences here in these 2 short months have opened me up to accepting that humans can be good to each other & I feel more trusting of people in general than I ever have before. And that feels really, really good.

So Many Emotions

2009-10-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

I have a sea of emotions in my heart. Too many to acknowledge. Sometimes I stop & think what has happened here? Where did my life go? Six weeks ago, things were so different. It took so much time and emotional energy to prepare to live overseas. I was prepared to live here in Japan for 3 years, and it is taking some effort to re-evaluate my situation & prepare myself to move again to a new place & a new circumstance. I wish I were more flexible.
Today I received my flight confirmation, I am flying out sooner than I exspected. I leave on October 7th. Instead of feeling relief that I am going "home" I felt sad & confused.
The bottom line is I just have to accept what is...and let go of what is no more.

I Choose Joy and a Morning Cup of Yoga

2009-09-20T02:25:00.001-07:00

Ok, so my title has nothing really to do with my post, hehe. I just liked the sound of it. I have a book & cd titled "Morning Cup of Yoga." A lady from Alabama wrote it, neat huh. It is a 15 minute workout that I haven't gotten around to doing yet. I love yoga so I think it will be a good cd.
I have been listening to a lot of Ray Lamontagne, reading a lot, & taking long nightly walks. It is so nice to walk at night here. I don't feel scared at all. It feels peaceful here. I guess it is a good place for a divorce if there is such a thing, because there is such a feeling of rightness. I see children playing by themselves safely. I see elderly people walking babies in the middle of the day. And I see neighbors living with sveral generations all together in one house, and it is amazing. The feeling of community is incredible to me. It makes me feel better about being a family person. I have been critisized for that many times. Especially by men. I can't help it that I love my family. They have always been there for me.
It is 6 pm & the bell is chiming. I think that is so neat. Comforting.
Eric leaves for Australia on Tuesday. I had a bit oh a hyperventilation attack when I thought about being stuck in Hayama by the beach with no car for 3-4 weeks, but I stopped it real quick. It is a little scary to be so far from base. I am still waiting on my flight confirmation to come through so that I can go home.I will leave as soon as it comes.I will miss this country. But I need to get my new life started so that I can have a place to call home. I think that will help tremendously in the healing process. I need to be busy so I plan on maybe fostering & volunteering. I will also help take care of my "granny." I miss her.
I am looking forward to American food (although I will miss the food here too, especially Ramen), grocerie stores with labels I can read, clothes stores that have my size,a western sized sofa, and a yard for my dogs. Poor things. They seem sad. And being with the ones I love & who love me:) I'm so thankful for my family and friends love. draft 1:47:00 AM by seabird Delete
Edit View A Time of Change 5

A Time of Change

2009-09-10T04:16:00.000-07:00

This season of my life has brought a bit of unexpected change. Change that I did not want and have feared all of my life. I am the kind of person who loves a routine, but also loves some variety thrown in there here & there. That being said, I have really loved being married & cooking dinner, making scrapbooks, & homemade birthday cards. I loved living with my best friend & having inside jokes & of course a routine that had developed from 7 years of being with someone,for pretty much all of my free time.
Unfortunately, things do not always stay the same. Sometimes that can be good I know but so hard for me to accept. I like the life that I have had the last four years. The Navy band has been pretty perfect because Eric is not gone to terribly long at a time & we get to move every 3-4 years, which I like because I get bored so easily with one job. I love those aspects of the military. But soon everything I am used to will change. I have applied to go back to school in Alabama, to try something new. I will also be taking care of myself. I know I can do it, I've done it before, but I just didn't see this coming. It was a devestating blow & left me numb for several weeks. I'm sure being in a new country with no support system didn't help. But, God provided 2 precious people who without knowing me, offered me wonderful support. I am a proud person sometimes so I am feeling embarrased,& I'm not sure why.
I will not go into specifics on a blog, but Eric has decided that he believes that he wants a divorce. The differences we have are fundamental, thank God they do not involve infidelity or abuse to one another. We love each other, and we are best friends, but sometimes differences in certain areas cannot be overcome. Although I do want to keep trying, I can't do it by myself. It would take both of us. I love Eric dearly. I never wanted to be in this position...I guess nobody would choose this.
I just hope that I will be able to accept this change in time. I am trying, but I am always slow to embrace new things. And I truly hope that this pain will not last forever. It truly hurts so terribly.

An Adventure has begun for Sure!

2009-08-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

The time with my parents flew by. I don't think that I will ever get completely used to being so far from my parents...we haven't lived in the same state in seven years. I love traveling, but I miss going to lunch with my mom, & having spa days. Maybe one day I will live closer, although I don't particularly want to go back to Bama. I like to be by the water. Anyway, my parents drove me across country...we saw Old Faithful on the way. I had fun spending time with them, and exploring the US:) Before I knew it I was sitting the Seattle airport...for 9 hours no less...and in a daze from exhaustion & anticipation. If my parents had not been with me I would not have made it with my dogs & all my luggage..I am so thankful that they were there with me. Our flight left at 5 am and I slept for the first 7! I woke up in time to eat dinner at 6:30 in the morning:) What I was not anticipating was the FIVE hour cab ride to base...omw. We didn't even go that far! It was the insanely terrible traffic! I hope that I never ever get caught in that again. And yes I regret to say that it is true...people here drive like maniacs, but surprisingly have few accidents from what I hear. I am TERRIFIED to start driving! I keep walking to the wrong side of the car to get in..everything is backwards to me:( I know several Japanese women who will not drive & now I know why!!
Eric did a great job finding us a house. I'm not sure how we landed this place..it is a block from the beach & appears to be an expensive resort area. The emperor's summer home is nearby. Anyway, I'm not complaining...we will likely NEVER live in an area like this again so I better not get used to it:)Even the Denny's here is on the water. That cracked me up. I am adjusting...but I so wish I spoke Japanese & read Kanji! I hate pointing to things on the menu, it feels SO rude! (It is comforting to know that Coca-cola is universal...I think;)I am trying to learn the language.
Oh, one more thing....it is the hottest, dripping wet, stifling humidity, unrelenting heat that I have ever felt...I'm serious...no exaggeration! As I sit here writing at 4:10 in the afternoon I am dripping wet...tmi, I know.

Count Down Has Begun!!

2009-07-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Well, mom & dad have decided to drive me & my dogs across counrty to catch my flight to Japan. We leave next Thursday the 30th, and I have to be in Seattle on August 5th...not long now. The countdown has begun...13 days until departure!
Eric has moved into our house & our furniture arrived, yay! The bed is up & the movers unpacked almost everything. I've learned a "few" Japanese words, but how long will I remember them? Safe to say...NOT LONG! Sigh, I've always been terrible at foreign languages! Three years of French...can't speak a word!
I'm kinda freaking out about packing & such. I have a huge list of things I have to keep "on me" such as: Medication for me & dogs, 2 dog folders, 2 personal info folders, 1 large personal info file, huge medical record, 2 copies of orders, 2 dog crates (one very LARGE CRATE!), 1 large microchip reader for dogs, dog food, few books, few toiletries, zune, & little make-up. Of course I have more junk, but that is what has to be on my personage, lol.
Eric is talking about Italy after this, but I say Florida! This traveling with dogs reqires more paperwork than children.

Limbo

2009-07-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

Limbo is not a place that I am totally comfortable...I guess most people are not happy in that place, but I have been dealing with it pretty well I would say. However, it is getting harder. I left Washington in May, so I have been in this place of limbo for over 2 months with one more month to go. The things Eric and I do for our dogs,seriously. It is worth it totally, but I hate being apart from Eric, ugg! I leave August 5th for Japan. Eric and will have maybe 2 months together, and then he will be gone for about two months...I'm going to need some prayers! I can be independent, I just prefer to be with Eric as opposed to apart from him:)Anyway, that is where I am at. Having fun here with the family...but missing the other part of my family in Japan!

Missin' my man in Japan:(

2009-06-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

I talked to Eric today & he seemed a little sad. He is all alone in a foreign country & that made me feel bad. We are used to being together most all the time so this is kinda hard for us. He is really strong though and I know he is getting everything done for us so it will be easier for me when I get there. He found us a house, yay. I will post pics when I get some. He says it is big with 3 bedrooms...nice, given that I got rid of most of my furniture bc everyone said we wouldn't have any room. Oh well, guess I will have to get new stuff;)
I am having a great time with my family right now. We are gardening, cooking, and relaxing... I'll be honest mostly relaxing:)This Alabama heat is brutal for real. We have shopped some too. My Granny & I tried out all the recliners at Ashley Furniture. I have enjoyed spending time with her & my parents. They are fun, but I can't wait to see my man.

2009-05-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

My sister humored me and let us have our picture drawn on the board walk in San Francisco. We turned out looking hilarious, but it was fun. I am a sucker for old people, & I just thought the man drawing the pictures was so darn cute. Tim says we look like evil dolls & made us turn it around so he couldn't see it:) I love the way that Heather came out looking asian. Thanks for humoring me Hey.

Rv Show...Can't Wait

2009-04-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

No I am not buying an RV, as the one we like is $750,000, and way out of our housing allowance, but we are going to the Tacoma Rv show tomorrow. Eric & I love to watch rv shows on tv & discuss what requirements we would have if planning a large purchase such as this.I don't know why , but it's so fun to us. I also collect realestate magazines & mark the ones I like to show to Eric...that annoys him though b/c we will not even be in the states to purchase a house for 3-4 more years:( With the market like it is we could afford a nice place back in Florida where we used to own a little town home & want to live again one day. Since we have owned once before we have a little bit of an idea of what we would like next time. Of course, being able to "afford" our wants is a different story:)There is a show on tv that I like to watch called My First Place. I love watching the people as they home search. I enjoy living vicariously through these strangers.

Salmon and Chive Muffins

2009-04-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

I found this recipe today, tweaked it a little & it was delicious. I am posting it here in case anyone wants to try it...I realize, my sister confirming this to me earlier today, that this recipe may sound gross, but it really was very tasty:)Would be great for a brunch type thing.

Salmon and Chive Muffins
Preheat oven to 395*
Grease muffin cups

Mix together 1 cup milk, 80 grams of melted butter, 1 lightly beaten egg, 1/2 c fresh chives (added salt & pepper to mine)in a jug & shake well.

Pour into 2 cups sifted self-rising flour & stir until almost mixed...add 1 can pink or red salmon ( I didn't want that strong of a fish taste, so I added 1 packet of mango salmon, found in grocery store by the tuna fish) Sounds gross I know...

Pour into baking cups 3/4 of the way full.
I made a little hole in the middle of each muffin & stuffed cream cheese inside.
Bake for 18-20 minutes.

It smelled so yummy baking:)

irritated

2009-04-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

Just spent an hour writing a blog & then it disappeared! Over it! Maybe I can post later when I get another free hour!! Argh!

Recent Happenings

2009-04-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Well the most exciting thing literally, is that the sun has been out for 3 or 4 days!! I feel like a different person in spring & summer. I have a little more energy & I definitely have more ambition. I just feel pretty happy. I am trying not to get used to it though...spring around here is tricky. Yesterday I took the children to the pond on base...it is a little ways from my house so it was great exercise. The babies loved it...we saw an eagle! Today I took them to the gym. They have a family workout room & you can watch the kids play through a glass partition. It's nice if there aren't too many people there...otherwise it's scary! Eric has our move almost completely set up. I hope nothing big gets broken this time:( I watched a show about Tokyo & the people on the train were so crammed it looked like one of those college phone booth contests...the door wouldn't even close, they had to literally shove the people in to get the door to close...omg! NO, I am claustrophobic & I can't even think about that right now. I will deal with it if & when it happens, but I hope I do not experience that! I bought a Japanese language book...um, wow...I have no English or Japanese words to describe how lost I am when I look at that book....I will stick to the CD we borrowed for now. I only know 2 words, yes & no. Eric has a list of countries that he will get to visit, and he takes great pleasure in reminding me about that...not nice! I hope that I get to visit a few...I BETTER get to:)
One week & 3 days of home daycare left. I really will miss these babies. I know that they are not mine, but they feel like it. I am used to spending 9-10 hours with these little people, we have a routine & we know each other very well. They are good kids, I am kinda sad about leaving them:(
Not much else going on. I have been eating yellow squash for several days. I fry it with a little EVOO, hehe, & flour. It is light & delicious. I am trying to eat light at lunch to shed a few unsightly lb's. I looked in the mirror & caught a glance of horrid back fat eww. I almost screamed in dismay. I immediately instant messaged my sister to see if she new how to get rid of it, but she didn't know any good moves. I think I need to step up my weight program a little. It isn't like it's new, it just jumped out at me & looked bigger than usual, unacceptable.
One last thing. My good friend Stacy is going to have a baby:)I am so happy for her & Andy. They have a beautiful 8 year daughter who was the flower girl in our wedding & I know she is going to be a great big sister! I am very excited for them.

Weekend Exploration

2009-03-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

We drove out to Lake Cushman this weekend & took the dogs out for a drive, we are trying to get Sig used to the car b/f we drive across the country. He was exhausted from riding in the car yesterday:)

Spring Snow...now seriously that is enough!

2009-03-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

We woke up Sunday to a ground full of snow & buckets of it coming down! It was beautiful, but now I am ready for a little warmth & some pretty flowers:)

My Living Room Has a Dual Personality

2009-03-13T15:26:00.001-07:00

I don't think that I have to say anything. The pictures speak for themselves. Eric can't wait to get rid of all the toys! I will not miss the paperwork hanging on the wall:)

2009-03-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I never really have anything to much to blog about...since I do not have children , it seems like I just blog about myself & that seems very selfish...BUT, it is my blog I guess:) And it feels silly to have a blog and never write on it...so lets see. How about some randomness... I like all the posts of people's normal days! Those are so neat, I love seeing how other people do things! I also love it when some of you guys post recipes & pictures of the dish. Ummm! Eric & I were on a taco kick for quite a while...not so much now:) Mom says I've always been that way...I will eat so much of something that I end up hating it...ie..mayo...ugh! On the food note, I LOVE casseroles, but try not to make them often b/c I can't push away from them very easily. I have been craving brownies BAD but have resisted. Tonight I am making burgers & sweet potato fries...wish I was having brownies too:)
I will be doing daycare for approximately 6 more weeks & then I'm done. I have done this job for over 2 years...time for a break. I have had all infants most of that time! I DON'T know how you moms out there do it, I'm serious! Is it different with your own kids? I LOVE these babies, I really do, and I think that I am pretty good at it, but this is a hard job. People say oh, when they are your own it's different. All I can say to that is , if they were mine I would not be "free" after 4:30. Honestly, can anybody tell me honestly how hard it is?? I want to know the REAL stuff b/f I go down that path.I'm afraid that I am too selfish to have children. I can't believe I just wrote that, but it is the truth...I am selfish. And, how exspensive must it be!! Plus, I would just be heartbroken if I had a baby & it suffered from depression when it grew up or had some other physical problems that I have. I think I would adopt if I wanted kids...I think adoption is awesome. Good grief, I am getting into random things for real...I have a feeling I will end up deleting this post!
I think that this is enough of a post for now!

HORMONES!

2009-02-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

I do not know what was wrong with me last week, but I couldn't stop crying & worrying! Oh my gosh, I must have cried for seven days:( It was terrible....seriously! I do struggle with depression, but I think that this was hormones. I'm not sure why I think that, but I do. Does anybody else ever do that? I felt hopeless & nothing helped. Then On Monday -it all stopped & I woke up happy as a lark. It may also have to do with the weather here b/c the sun came out on Monday. If anybody has any advice or has experienced this- feel free to give me your suggestions:)

British Columbia

2009-01-20T14:16:00.000-08:00

Our weekend getaway to Victoria was way more fun than I had anticipated. I don't know what exactly it was that I was expecting, but in any case my hopes were exceeded:) The ferry ride over was initially a huge disappointment b/c the ferry was FULL to an uncomfortable capacity & Eric & I were separated for the entire 3 hour ride...not cool! I started to get really upset, but then I decided that it wasn't that big of a deal & I took a nap. Enough about that. We were able to check into the hotel early & upgrade to a room with a fabulous view. The hotel was a "green" hotel with beautiful white down duvets & tons of extra fluffy white pillows, oh and all of the bath products provided were Aveda. Anyway, the Aura restaurant was located downstairs & the chef was the winner of a prestigious chef award, and has appeared on the food network. We had a very yummy fruit sorbet from room service & a nice bottle of wine;) The breakfast-brunch buffet was out of this world, in fact, the word buffet does not quite do the meal justice. Buffet reminds me of Golden Coral, & that was not what this was! Anyway, lest you think that I am suddenly a millionaire...(I'm not!)...it is soo cheap to travel there right now! The round trip ferry for 2, and hotel plus upgrade was only $280! Very reasonable I thought. I would highly reccomend this little trip to anyone.

Random Ramblings about 2008

2008-12-09T12:59:00.000-08:00

1-I hated English peas until I was 31 1/2 years old, and now I crave them...wierd
2-Doing home daycare in my house was a lot easier than I thought it would be
3-Taking a yoga class was way less scary than I imagined
4-We finally got a flat screen tv & a sleigh bed
5-I discovered that the best cut of steak (to me) is the fillet
6-Vegetarian "butter" is very yummy
7-I'm kinda over pizza for a while
8-Vigoss jeans fit me best
9-Montrail flip flops are great
10-If you find a comfy pair of pants buy several pairs
11-Ring worm IS contagious
12-Children need calm assertive energy:) Calm being the operative word.
14-It's ok to say no to your friends
15-I really want to give up diet coke
16-I will never have a butt, that is just the way it is:(

There you go, that's all I got right now!

Christmas photo ordeal!

2008-11-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

We make a Christmas card every year....with the dogs. This year it was quite a bit more difficult than normal because because I broke the good camera:( We had to use the old digital camera which, to our knowledge, only gives you 4 seconds to set the timer & get into place! It was hilarious. We finally got one, but it looks funny too! Hope we have a new camera by next Christmas:)

Friendships Can Be Hard

2008-11-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

I do not like posting about things like this b/c I do not want to seem like a moron, although I am sometimes, but I am going to write about this anyway. I have friendship issues. Sometimes I do not like to be around people, not b/c I do not like them, but I am just somewhat shy & groups are not always my thing. That being said, sometimes I really like hanging out. I sound bipolar but I'm not. Sometimes I don't return phone calls for long periods of time b/c I feel uncomfortable talking on the phone. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I only form close bonds here and there. I think it may be because I do not trust people. It generally seems harder for me to form close relationships with women. I'm nervous sometimes that other women are being judgemental of me or fake...& yes I can be that way too:( I don't know why I am this way. A lot of the people I meet in the military are really nice, but so different from me. I get invited out to go "clubbing" a lot...totally not my thing! I get invited to a lot of kids birthday parties and I go, but I don't have children so I am a little left out. We haven't met very many people our age without children. My friend says that people like us are called dinks...dual income no kids...I had never heard that before. Anyway, what brought this whole blog on was an incident this weekend. I was going to take my friend out for her birthday & we arranged to meet & she didn't show, or call, & has yet to call. She has done this b/f so I shouldn't be surprised, but I always am. A phone call would have been nice. I waited for 2 hours...not cool. I am not going to take all the blame for my "issues" with friends. I do try to be a considerate, kind person, but sometimes other people do not share the same values. I know friendship is give & take, & I am thankful for my good close friends. Eric's career makes it hard to stay physically in touch with everybody, but I am trying to write & call as much as I can:) Enough of this boring droll! I just needed to get that off my chest, thanks!

pics

2008-10-29T17:24:00.001-07:00

I have started working on a Christmas project

for my daycare babies. J. loved the reindeer ears, but O. obviously hated them. She had just woken up so that could be the reason for her dismay! She is usually very happy:)

Eric is Back

2008-10-26T16:18:00.001-07:00

Eric's dad passed away on October 17th, exactly 1 week after he had left our house. I am glad that I got to meet him before he passed away. This is a picture of Eric & his dad. Eric was gone all last week taking care of the funeral. He got to see His half-brother Craig who he hadn't seen in 20 years, & his half-sister Lisa who he hadn't seen in 30 years. His brother Clayton was also there. It was a sad time, but the siblings seemed to enjoy spending time with each other & bonding. His dad died picking up golf balls on the golf course that he would then take to the local high school & donate. I think he was finding things to do to take his mind off of losing his wife last Christmas.
Eric is doing fine. He is sad, but he is happy that he was able to see him one last time. It had been 11 years since they had actually seen each other. I can't imagine not seeing my family for even a year, but I am very blessed to have the family that I have.

So Glad That is Over!

2008-10-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

I cannot express in words how happy I am that my tonsil surgery is over and that the pain finally subsided! Thank you to all of my friends & family who prayed for me! I truly felt your prayers and it helped me so much! I will continue healing for weeks to come, but the bad part is over. Unfortunately, the surgery really was as bad as I was told it would be:( But I think in the long run it will be worth it. It was hard in one sense b/c I had to eat & drink to take my meds, but I just did not want to swallow the food! I guess it is kinda good in a way since I did lose weight, but getting back into eating real food after 10 days was actually hard. I still can't eat like I normally would because of the sensitivity, but I am NOT complaining! I am happy to be better! Very, very happy:)

three days to go:(

2008-09-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

Well, only 3 more days until my tonsils come out!!! I am so SCARED! I've heard that it hurts really bad at my age:( Hopefully it will not be as bad as I am anticipating. I really hope that the pain pills work. The doctor said that the 3rd day is the worst, so maybe by Sunday I will be feeling better.

A small miracle happened today! We went hiking with the dogs at Howe Farm, and there is an off leash dog park there. In the year or so that we have had Sig, he has had major issues outside of the house...it was so bad that in the past we have had to muzzle him & keep him away from all dogs & strangers. He would have a melt-down & start howling & shaking, he even escaped & attacked another dog once. BUT, today 2 dogs snuck up on us deep in the woods & we had no time to react...AMAZINGLY, Sig ran up to these 2 large dogs & wanted to play! I was floored. We were like ok, that was weird...so we decided to take a chance and go into the off leash area, & again he was surrounded by dogs, and he did great!!!!!!! WOW! I am so amazed...you would have had to see how bad he was b/f to understand my surprise, but I feel like I had a bad "kid" and now he has been reformed, and I may not have to hide him anymore, hehe.

Cold Season

2008-09-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

Man, I love my job, but honestly, I am tired of being sick! I shouldn't complain b/c I usually don't catch what my daycare babies have, but I caught a cold last week & it has been so hard to shake!!! On Thursday & Friday I literally felt like a giant balloon was blown up inside my head. Then on Saturday I couldn't get out of bed without my head spinning. I was miserable. Sunday I forced myself to work out & then I laid down. I did purchase a netti pot to poke up my nose & flush out the germs so hopefully it will work. I also had hot tea & honey, and lots of vitamin c, but I guess it just has to run it's course. I wish I wasn't such a baby about having a cold, but I just hate that "out of it" feeling! While I was in bed on Saturday I watched Mystery Diagnosis, which was fun b/c E usually will not let me watch such programming due to my vivid imagination. There were some strange issues discussed on that show & I think that after watching that I should just be thankful that I just have a cold & not leprosy or some such disorder right! On the up side I did get to read some while convalescing in my Virginia Woolf biography & my new book The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor.

The Relatives Came to Town:)

2008-09-14T18:53:00.001-07:00

On Friday my cousin Mona and her husband Happ

spent the night with us. We had a lot of fun. It was so nice to visit with family. They were on their way to Alaska for a cruise. I drove them around Poulsbo while we waited for the lasagna to bake. Poulsbo is a very cute Viking town on the water. Mona loved it there. I am so thankful that we have been fortunate to have family visit us often while we have been stationed here. It really makes living so far away from home a lot easier. Happ brought me a t-shirt from home. I thought that was really sweet. They are a lot of fun.

Bean at the beach

2008-08-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

Snoqualmie Falls

2008-08-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Today we went to Snoqualmie Falls for a little day trip. It was a really nice drive, & the weather actually cooperated:)

A few pics from Oregon

2008-08-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

These are pics from the girls only trip that I went on back in July. I love that I wore flip flops in the snow...what a dork! It was hot though. These are all from Mt. Saint Helens.

Bean & E

2008-08-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

This is Bean's favorite place to be:) She loves Eric! She loves me too, but she is gaga over E! I begged for a dog, picked her out of the litter, and still...she is a daddy's girl. But I really can't blame her, he is pretty charming.

3 Things

2008-08-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have 3 things to blog about....First, I went to a baby shower on Saturday & it was very fun. We played new, different games than the usaul shower games & had cake, but we also had "birth" conversations! OMG!!!!!!!!! I have never been so terrified, (that is probably not true, I am easy to scare actually), but anyway I am terrified. I still don't know If I want to reproduce:), but these stories I heard make the choice easier. Hours of labor, puking, non working drugs, biting, kicking of husband in face (my favorite story) & morning sickness!! Uh uh, no thanks.

#2 I am having a tonsillectomy, again I am terrified as I have never had a real surgery. If anybody has had one please tell me about it even if it was horrible:)

#3 The weather this summer in Washington has sucked! Pardon my French. It is practically fall now, so I guess we can kiss any dream of a long warm summer goodbye:( But that is ok, it's still pretty here, even if it's cloudy.

Torch Light Parade

2008-07-28T18:03:00.001-07:00

Ok, these pics aren't that good:( I dropped the good camera & broke it. I am so clumsy. These were taken at the torch light parade here in Seattle last Saturday. It is the kick off for Seafair, which is a huge local celebration. This was the largest parade I have ever been to. I think the estimate was 300,000 people. Eric is the one playing the tuba. He had to carry that thing for 4 miles...I would have been dead!

Day Trip to Mt. Ranier

2008-07-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we went hiking at Mt. Ranier. If you look closely you can see the blue of the glaciers on the mountain top. It was very warm that day, & cool to see people playing in the snow in July. ( I was glad that it didn't blow any lava out:)

Jones cupcakes taste real good:)

2008-07-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

While visiting Portland we stopped into Jones cupcakes..actually
we planned to go there because we read about it & given the fact that cake in general is probably my favorite thing in the world, food wise anyway, I have to say that those were very yummy cupcakes & HUGE! In the middle of the strawberry lemonade cupcake was a delicious liquid filling, & the lemonade drizzled on top was phenomenal...I would give Jone's cupcakes 2 thumbs up, and a good recommendation if I was asked:)

Loves It

2008-07-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

I loved almost everything about Oregon! In fact, I can barely think of anything that I didn't like! I liked the food. I liked the people. I liked the landscape. I really liked Cannon beach! I loved how dog friendly it was there! I have already told Eric that this may be one of my top choices for retirement...and I am not kidding. I love Washington, but the clouds in the winter are sometimes too much for my melancholy personality:( Oregon is a lot like here, but it seemed a little brighter. Of course, that is probably b/c it is July right! I can't wait to go back! Those 9 days flew by.

2008-05-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

This was a day that I will remember forever! We went to Port Townsend for a little day trip & all my stress just melted away... on that day anyway:)

Naps are neccesary!

2008-04-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

It may look obscene, but Sienna is all about being comfortable! Notice that her butt is propped up on my pillow. Some days I look at her & I say to myself, " I wish I were a dog!" And I really mean it.

New hair color

2008-03-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, self-taken photos look hilarious, but anyway, this is for Hey...my new hair color is not quite as dark as yours, but getting closer:) The gray patch has already reappeared! Why are we cursed?!?

Not that good at blogging..........

2008-03-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason, when I started this blog, I thought that I would be much better at keeping up with it than I actually am........I am horrible at it! I feel like I never have time to keep up with stuff like this. Maybe I am not managing my time properly, but it is actually probably because I require so much sleep... I have to go to bed by 9 or I will be a real witch the next day! I don't actually close my daycare until 4:30, then I eat dinner with Eric & relax for a minute. I go to the gym for an hour or two after that. Then, I have to take care of all the annoying personal hygiene stuff...washing hair etc. In theory, that gives me 2 hours to do whatever I want, however, I usually sit in bed with Eric & unwind.........We always say that night time is "our time" so we are not suppossed to talk on the phone etc. I love "our time" however, that means less time for blogging & such, so I guess here & there will have to do:) I am ok with that, but it doesn't make for a very good blog!

Valentine's Day

2008-02-17T10:30:00.001-08:00

Valentine's Day was really fun this year! We had a lovely dinner & went to bed early...that was awesome:) I felt bad because we said NO gifts but Eric gave me a beautiful bracelet anyway...oops, I gave him a heart filled with skittles, not very romantic:( BUT, I did make a homemade card, that counts, right? I'll do better next year.

Mom & I at the Tea Room

2008-01-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

Wow! This tea room in Port Gamble was so much fun! We even got my dad to go. Our favorite tea was the Snow Monkey tea! The little sandwiches were delicious too. Cucumber, smoked salmon, & bacon-tomato. They also had lemon scones, um um! With strawberry preserves & cream cheese spread. We had fun trying all of the hats on. They host theme parties there too. I have been there several times & I can't wait to go back again:)

Good Friends are a Gift

2008-01-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

My sister has been my best friend for such a long time! I feel so lucky to have the person that I grew up with & spent the most time with as a best friend! She has always been a good listener & support system to me. I call her for advice & ideas very often, and she is always there to help me. Just this week I called her for advice about my job & she was so supportive of me...that just makes me feel so happy that she would take the time to listen to me & help me think everything through. I love spending time with her, & our friend Holly. We have had some really fun times together. In fact, I think it is getting about time for us to have a "girl trip!" I need my Heather & Holly fix! I love you girls! Thanks for being such good friends to me!

Eric & Sally

2008-01-12T17:22:00.000-08:00

This is a cute pic of Eric & his mom at one of his concerts at the Keyport museum.

Congratulations Eric

2008-01-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

I am just so proud of Eric! He has been working very hard this year in the band, & he found out a while back that he had won sailor of the year in his command for 2007. He actually won 2 NAM's last year. He has worked so hard to advance his career & take care of me, & I just love him:)

A Sunny Saturday

2008-01-12T15:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I woke up today & holy cow...the sun was shining sooo brightly! How wonderful! Unfortunately, I had slept until 1:40! I never do that anymore, but my muscles have been hurting so badly from fibromyalgia so I guess I needed the rest, but still!!! Why did I have to sleep on the one sunny day this month! Actually, I am just glad that I got to see the sun for a little while, and actually keep the door open b/c it was reasonably warm, Yay! What a treat to have such a beautiful day here in the middle of January!

A poem

2008-01-10T17:20:00.001-08:00

Last night as I was sleeping
I dreamt-marvelous error!-
that I had a beehive here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

~Antonio Machado

A Yummy Recipe I Love to Eat:)

2008-01-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

Creamy Veggie Bacon Pasta Skillet (adapted)
*Boil elbow or penne pasta noodles
*Saute yellow onion and 2 cloves garlic in skillet
*Chop broccoli & asparugus into bite sized pieces
*Place veggies in skillet with 1/2 cup broth
*Add bacon bits
*Add noodles
*Stir in 4oz. cream cheese
*Top with grated parmesan cheese
~And of course I always top with a little sharp cheddar cheese, um um!
~If you try this recipe I hope you like as much as I do!

Hard to leave home

2007-12-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

I had such a wonderful time at home in Alabama. Leaving my entire family(except for my sister in California) to come back to Washington was heart wrentching for me! Especially during the Christmas season! I was eager to get back to Eric & the "babies," but I was so very sad to say goodbye to these people that I have known & loved my entire life. That is a hard aspect of military life! I am such a family person, & being away from them is terrible, however it does make the time that i spend with them so special! We packed everything in that we had time for! Baking parties, shopping trips, visiting of relatives, & picking out a puppy for mom! The puppy is so adorable! Mom chose a West Highland terrier & named her Sadie Bella. She is a fiesty one!
My heart is definetly lighter now that I was able to see & actually touch my loved ones. I feel very blessed.