Ok, so my title has nothing really to do with my post, hehe. I just liked the sound of it. I have a book & cd titled "Morning Cup of Yoga." A lady from Alabama wrote it, neat huh. It is a 15 minute workout that I haven't gotten around to doing yet. I love yoga so I think it will be a good cd.
I have been listening to a lot of Ray Lamontagne, reading a lot, & taking long nightly walks. It is so nice to walk at night here. I don't feel scared at all. It feels peaceful here. I guess it is a good place for a divorce if there is such a thing, because there is such a feeling of rightness. I see children playing by themselves safely. I see elderly people walking babies in the middle of the day. And I see neighbors living with sveral generations all together in one house, and it is amazing. The feeling of community is incredible to me. It makes me feel better about being a family person. I have been critisized for that many times. Especially by men. I can't help it that I love my family. They have always been there for me.
It is 6 pm & the bell is chiming. I think that is so neat. Comforting.
Eric leaves for Australia on Tuesday. I had a bit oh a hyperventilation attack when I thought about being stuck in Hayama by the beach with no car for 3-4 weeks, but I stopped it real quick. It is a little scary to be so far from base. I am still waiting on my flight confirmation to come through so that I can go home.I will leave as soon as it comes.I will miss this country. But I need to get my new life started so that I can have a place to call home. I think that will help tremendously in the healing process. I need to be busy so I plan on maybe fostering & volunteering. I will also help take care of my "granny." I miss her.
I am looking forward to American food (although I will miss the food here too, especially Ramen), grocerie stores with labels I can read, clothes stores that have my size,a western sized sofa, and a yard for my dogs. Poor things. They seem sad. And being with the ones I love & who love me:) I'm so thankful for my family and friends love. draft 1:47:00 AM by seabird Delete
Edit View A Time of Change 5
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Time of Change
This season of my life has brought a bit of unexpected change. Change that I did not want and have feared all of my life. I am the kind of person who loves a routine, but also loves some variety thrown in there here & there. That being said, I have really loved being married & cooking dinner, making scrapbooks, & homemade birthday cards. I loved living with my best friend & having inside jokes & of course a routine that had developed from 7 years of being with someone,for pretty much all of my free time.
Unfortunately, things do not always stay the same. Sometimes that can be good I know but so hard for me to accept. I like the life that I have had the last four years. The Navy band has been pretty perfect because Eric is not gone to terribly long at a time & we get to move every 3-4 years, which I like because I get bored so easily with one job. I love those aspects of the military. But soon everything I am used to will change. I have applied to go back to school in Alabama, to try something new. I will also be taking care of myself. I know I can do it, I've done it before, but I just didn't see this coming. It was a devestating blow & left me numb for several weeks. I'm sure being in a new country with no support system didn't help. But, God provided 2 precious people who without knowing me, offered me wonderful support. I am a proud person sometimes so I am feeling embarrased,& I'm not sure why.
I will not go into specifics on a blog, but Eric has decided that he believes that he wants a divorce. The differences we have are fundamental, thank God they do not involve infidelity or abuse to one another. We love each other, and we are best friends, but sometimes differences in certain areas cannot be overcome. Although I do want to keep trying, I can't do it by myself. It would take both of us. I love Eric dearly. I never wanted to be in this position...I guess nobody would choose this.
I just hope that I will be able to accept this change in time. I am trying, but I am always slow to embrace new things. And I truly hope that this pain will not last forever. It truly hurts so terribly.
Unfortunately, things do not always stay the same. Sometimes that can be good I know but so hard for me to accept. I like the life that I have had the last four years. The Navy band has been pretty perfect because Eric is not gone to terribly long at a time & we get to move every 3-4 years, which I like because I get bored so easily with one job. I love those aspects of the military. But soon everything I am used to will change. I have applied to go back to school in Alabama, to try something new. I will also be taking care of myself. I know I can do it, I've done it before, but I just didn't see this coming. It was a devestating blow & left me numb for several weeks. I'm sure being in a new country with no support system didn't help. But, God provided 2 precious people who without knowing me, offered me wonderful support. I am a proud person sometimes so I am feeling embarrased,& I'm not sure why.
I will not go into specifics on a blog, but Eric has decided that he believes that he wants a divorce. The differences we have are fundamental, thank God they do not involve infidelity or abuse to one another. We love each other, and we are best friends, but sometimes differences in certain areas cannot be overcome. Although I do want to keep trying, I can't do it by myself. It would take both of us. I love Eric dearly. I never wanted to be in this position...I guess nobody would choose this.
I just hope that I will be able to accept this change in time. I am trying, but I am always slow to embrace new things. And I truly hope that this pain will not last forever. It truly hurts so terribly.
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