Why does life fly by when you get older?

Me and Heather around 1980.

I have always been extremely sentimental...I think to my detriment. I miss being a child in many ways. Mostly because my parents were so young and fun, and me getting older means that they are also getting older.They were so good to us. We didn't have much money, but we had everything we needed and more. Life was good. I have always been family oriented. When I went off to college I wrote my parents a letter and told them how much I appreciated then and how much I had loved being in our family. We all cried together. I left for college when I was 17 so the better part of the last 17 years I have been away from my family for long periods of time. I have lived a lot of places, and loved traveling around, but I was never 100% happy because I was away from family. The last almost 2 years I have gotten to live close to my family, and it has been wonderful. I worry about the day when I will not have them anymore. I know that may sound morbid, but I have thought about these kinds of things ever since I was very young. I guess the moral of this post is that I need to show them how much I love them and appreciate them so that they know. Working in a nursing home is very rewarding, but it does constantly remind me of the brevity of life and the importance of saying I love you.

Vacation Toes

Ok, so I do not have a huge post to write right now, but I did do my toes today:) Leaving in a little while for the mountains. Definitely need the break. My clinal is going great. I  LOVE working with the children. When I start back next week, I will have 3 weeks left of clinicls and then a small break. Then back at the books, studying splinting and the business aspects of occupational therapy. Come on August...I can't wait to be done!!

5 months left of school!

I feel like it was yesterday that I was just thinking about Occupational Therapy and now I am 2 weeks out from starting my 3rd of 4 clinicals. This is one of the BIG ones. We will be treating patients, making mistakes, and learning SO much. It is exciting and terrifying. And then, when we finish in August, we will have to take the certification exam which is $500 to $600 a pop and some people say it takes several times to pass it. Ahhh! But like my friend said "One day at a time!" I have to pass this semester first. I have made so many great friends in this program and I already feel sad that I will not see them everyday when we are on fieldwork. But I AIN'T gonna lie...I will be glad to graduate (if I do) and be done with homework!!! One day at a time, one day at a time, gotta try to remember that.

Thankful

So I feel like I need to blog about the things I am thankful for so, here goes. I am thankful that a very painful year is behind me and wounds are healing and happiness returned. I am thankful that I have great parents who let me live with them until I could get back on my feet after the divorce. Who loaned me a car, fed me, bought me neccesities and fought for me to get a fair shake. They are the best most giving people. They wouldn't let me give up. They are strong and caring and I am BLESSED. I am thankful for my sister who started a group to channel the anger surrounding my divorce that not only helped me, but helps other people in need. I am thankful that she ALWAYS has my back and supports me. She makes me believe that I can do anything;) I am thankful for my granny who has been supportive and understanding and for my godparents who are always doing something sweet for me. I am also thankful for good, loyal friends. I am thankful for my dog, DON'T laugh, she is the best and she will never ask for a divorce. Lastly, I am thankful for Tony. He listens, he understands, he is patient, he takes care of me, he gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything. I know no person is perfect, and I don't believe in fairy tales, but I am very happy and Tony has helped me believe in people again- and that was no easy task. I am thankful for second chances.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

20's or 30's

So, one of our questions on a test today was "Dispute or refute...the 20's are the best years of your life." I of course chose to refute it;) My 20's started off very tumultuous, all those new life factors and expectations coming into play. I suffered severe depression and identity issues. Yes, parts of it were exciting, but honestly, I love my thirties, so far anyway. I don't like feeling older, but what I do love is finally knowing who I am and what I am about. That took a long time for me. There is something great about knowing that I am my own person and that others can like it or leave it;) What would you choose? 20's or 30's?

Just Keep Swimming

Well, just a quick little post to say that school is EVERY bit as hard as I anticipated! If not worse than I thought. It is so much harder than SEBC! And no, that wasn't easy either. I actually enjoy being around most of my classmates. I have made some nice friends, and have a lot of support from them. I feel like if I can make it through, I will enjoy this job. I have made good grades, but the hands on stuff freaks me out. Palpating muscles and memorizing the origins, insertions, and function of each is not fun to me. I would rather be playing playdough with the kids I observe on Fridays:) That is the therapy I am interested in!
Tony and I got a place together. We are close to the school. When (if) I graduate, I want to move back to Florida! I miss the beach. Heather is looking for land there too, and hopefully Mom and Dad will move too.
Happy fall to everybody! I am off to study for a test.

The fear and heart palpitations have returned.....

That can only mean one thing...school is about to start. Next Wednesday in fact. I feel terror! Getting into the OTA program was a great feeling, but now the hard work begins! Today I purchased $660 in text books. Just looking at the books with ALL those words and body parts and muscles made me feel weak, and woozy, and oh so scared. I ALWAYS feel this way, every semester since the first time I set foot in a college classroom way back in 1993. Even when I get an A or good feedback from a teacher I still feel afraid. WHY is this? Maybe it is bc I am a doubting Thomas. Maybe it is bc my personality is dramatic. Whatever the reason...I do not like it. Sometimes I really do feel like I can't breathe. I am excited to be learning. I am grateful for this opportunity and I want to succeed. I just wish I didn't freak out!!  I hope I can find a calm place in my mind to anchor myself!
Here we go!