Secret of Flying

"All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it is going to hurt...if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelyhood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard."
~Douglas Adams

Cali and Friends

Heather, Holly, and me in Napa

Heather's view

Birthday #33Napa

Once Broken

Once Broken, Always

A hundred pieces lay at her feet
Jagged edges, some smooth
We all have edges she thought.

Wishing,
Because she always wished
That she had the time to fit the pieces back together

Knowing,
Once broken, never the same,
Not plates, not vases, not people.

Why do places have different personalities?

Have you ever thought about that before? Some places feel sad and forgotten like an old town. Some places feel like they have a secret. Others feel unfamiliar and cold. And some just feel like home. People have those traits too don't you think? Some people have an anxious vibe, like they are busy trying to get somewhere, but they never "get" there. Others feel like a cold winter day...gray. And some people just feel like home...safe. Who doesn't love that feeling, like you can just "be" and that it is okay.

A poem for Hey

Mole
By Zack Strait

(for Heeather)


You burrowed into my chest
and it tickled my ribs.

I've never been thin,
So I'm sure you stayed warm in there.

You'd look out at me all the time
with your beady little eyes.

Your home, which once offered a soft glow,
became a gaping wound
when you left.

It was then that I realized
you'd feasted on my soiled heart,
it was a freaking ten course meal.
All you left me were the scraps.

Who Moved My Cheese

So I just finished reading, Who Moved My Cheese, by Spencer Johnson, M.D. This book is used often in corporations to help employees deal with sudden change, but I found it very helpful in general. Here are a few highlights that I found helpful (you can make "cheese" what you want it to be:)

CHANGE HAPPENS-they keep moving the cheese

ANTICIPATE CHANGE-Get ready for the cheese to move

MONITOR CHANGE-Smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old

ADAPT TO CHANGE QUICKLY-The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese

CHANGE-Move with the cheese

ENJOY CHANGE-Savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese

BE READY TO CHANGE QUICKLY AND ENJOY IT AGIAN AND AGAIN-They keep moving the cheese!

This book was a nice short read & I found it extremely helpful!

Gearing up for round 2

Ok, so when I went to college the first time I was really afraid, but I always new that I would finish & that things would work out...so why now, my second time around, am I so terrified?? I guess it is because it has been "awhile" and also because I realize that if I don't do well then I have wasted money & will still need a career. Wow, that is so scary. Am I being paranoid? Am I going to do ok? Am I crazy for going back to school at this point in my life? This is something I really want to do. I think about the certification for occupational therapy and I freak out on the inside! I wish I didn't have to take it at the end of the program bc I have all this time to build up anxiety. UGH!
Going back to school is a neccesity. I don't want people to think that I am saying bad things about Southeastern Bible College...b/c I am not....and I value the time that I spent there, but I have had so much trouble with teacher certification b/c of my degree. I was able to get temporary certification in Florida, which was great, and I had a great taching job, but the school eventually closed...and then before I was able to test for full certification, we had to move for Eric's job.Has anybody else had those same issues with their SEBC degree? I guess that I do believe that things happen for a reason...some days I am not sure...I'm a doubting Thomas for sure. I am so excited & so nervous about the steps I am taking now. If you think of me, please so a prayer that I will do my best, be calm, and trust that things will turn out ok.
Other than fear, which I hope to be able to let go of...things here are ok. The separation is not going smoothly, and has become a stressful situation as far as legal matters go...but this is just a season, and I have had so many great seasons in my life, so I have to expect that I will have difficult ones too.

Things I say to myself:)

1~ I can do this...whatever it happens to be that day.

2~ Stop focusing on yourself...have to remind myself a lot.

3~ Food is fuel...lol.

4~ It is what it is.

5~ Breathing deeply is very beneficial.

6~ Change is constant.

7~ Be good to your friends.

8~ I am not old, I am not old, I am not old....YET!

9~ I am what I think...

10~ Be positive.

11~ Be thankful.

12~ It is okay to fail.

May I Suggest the Group "The Swell."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATzyS4-f3Kw

Learning to trust people.

I have never been very trusting of people. I guess that is a personality flaw of mine. But in light of recent circumstances I have had to trust in strangers for various things & I am so happy to say (write)that I have a new found trust in the human race! It feels amazing! Part of this new trust has come from the Japanese people. I have had a wonderful experience with my Japanese neighbors. My landlord is a much older woman whom I see frequently coming and going. She does not speak English, maybe a few random words like dog & walk is all. But she and I always find a way to communicate. It is so neat. She tells me thank you for sweeping the walkway. She speaks to my dogs when she passes. She brings me gifts of food, and yesterday she brought her daughter over to meet me. Her daughter speaks some English & the mother wanted her to ask me if I would teach some of her friends English. I was so honored & I would have loved to do it...that is when I had to get out my dictionary & show her the words divorce & move. They were sad, & the word the daughter used was "darn-it" said like "dahn eet." That made me laugh! We all giggle a lot when trying to communicate. Anyway, tonight I saw my landlord looking in the window waving. I went outside and she said in English "You ok?" It was so sweet! She is adorable. So very nice. My other Neighbor Sato San told me he was disappointed that I was leaving & wanted me to come back & visit the hot springs! He said that he would get me some information. I am all about some hot springs, lol. Anyway, many other experiences here in these 2 short months have opened me up to accepting that humans can be good to each other & I feel more trusting of people in general than I ever have before. And that feels really, really good.

So Many Emotions

I have a sea of emotions in my heart. Too many to acknowledge. Sometimes I stop & think what has happened here? Where did my life go? Six weeks ago, things were so different. It took so much time and emotional energy to prepare to live overseas. I was prepared to live here in Japan for 3 years, and it is taking some effort to re-evaluate my situation & prepare myself to move again to a new place & a new circumstance. I wish I were more flexible.
Today I received my flight confirmation, I am flying out sooner than I exspected. I leave on October 7th. Instead of feeling relief that I am going "home" I felt sad & confused.
The bottom line is I just have to accept what is...and let go of what is no more.

I Choose Joy and a Morning Cup of Yoga

Ok, so my title has nothing really to do with my post, hehe. I just liked the sound of it. I have a book & cd titled "Morning Cup of Yoga." A lady from Alabama wrote it, neat huh. It is a 15 minute workout that I haven't gotten around to doing yet. I love yoga so I think it will be a good cd.
I have been listening to a lot of Ray Lamontagne, reading a lot, & taking long nightly walks. It is so nice to walk at night here. I don't feel scared at all. It feels peaceful here. I guess it is a good place for a divorce if there is such a thing, because there is such a feeling of rightness. I see children playing by themselves safely. I see elderly people walking babies in the middle of the day. And I see neighbors living with sveral generations all together in one house, and it is amazing. The feeling of community is incredible to me. It makes me feel better about being a family person. I have been critisized for that many times. Especially by men. I can't help it that I love my family. They have always been there for me.
It is 6 pm & the bell is chiming. I think that is so neat. Comforting.
Eric leaves for Australia on Tuesday. I had a bit oh a hyperventilation attack when I thought about being stuck in Hayama by the beach with no car for 3-4 weeks, but I stopped it real quick. It is a little scary to be so far from base. I am still waiting on my flight confirmation to come through so that I can go home.I will leave as soon as it comes.I will miss this country. But I need to get my new life started so that I can have a place to call home. I think that will help tremendously in the healing process. I need to be busy so I plan on maybe fostering & volunteering. I will also help take care of my "granny." I miss her.
I am looking forward to American food (although I will miss the food here too, especially Ramen), grocerie stores with labels I can read, clothes stores that have my size,a western sized sofa, and a yard for my dogs. Poor things. They seem sad. And being with the ones I love & who love me:) I'm so thankful for my family and friends love. draft 1:47:00 AM by seabird Delete
Edit View A Time of Change 5

A Time of Change

This season of my life has brought a bit of unexpected change. Change that I did not want and have feared all of my life. I am the kind of person who loves a routine, but also loves some variety thrown in there here & there. That being said, I have really loved being married & cooking dinner, making scrapbooks, & homemade birthday cards. I loved living with my best friend & having inside jokes & of course a routine that had developed from 7 years of being with someone,for pretty much all of my free time.
Unfortunately, things do not always stay the same. Sometimes that can be good I know but so hard for me to accept. I like the life that I have had the last four years. The Navy band has been pretty perfect because Eric is not gone to terribly long at a time & we get to move every 3-4 years, which I like because I get bored so easily with one job. I love those aspects of the military. But soon everything I am used to will change. I have applied to go back to school in Alabama, to try something new. I will also be taking care of myself. I know I can do it, I've done it before, but I just didn't see this coming. It was a devestating blow & left me numb for several weeks. I'm sure being in a new country with no support system didn't help. But, God provided 2 precious people who without knowing me, offered me wonderful support. I am a proud person sometimes so I am feeling embarrased,& I'm not sure why.
I will not go into specifics on a blog, but Eric has decided that he believes that he wants a divorce. The differences we have are fundamental, thank God they do not involve infidelity or abuse to one another. We love each other, and we are best friends, but sometimes differences in certain areas cannot be overcome. Although I do want to keep trying, I can't do it by myself. It would take both of us. I love Eric dearly. I never wanted to be in this position...I guess nobody would choose this.
I just hope that I will be able to accept this change in time. I am trying, but I am always slow to embrace new things. And I truly hope that this pain will not last forever. It truly hurts so terribly.

An Adventure has begun for Sure!

The time with my parents flew by. I don't think that I will ever get completely used to being so far from my parents...we haven't lived in the same state in seven years. I love traveling, but I miss going to lunch with my mom, & having spa days. Maybe one day I will live closer, although I don't particularly want to go back to Bama. I like to be by the water. Anyway, my parents drove me across country...we saw Old Faithful on the way. I had fun spending time with them, and exploring the US:) Before I knew it I was sitting the Seattle airport...for 9 hours no less...and in a daze from exhaustion & anticipation. If my parents had not been with me I would not have made it with my dogs & all my luggage..I am so thankful that they were there with me. Our flight left at 5 am and I slept for the first 7! I woke up in time to eat dinner at 6:30 in the morning:) What I was not anticipating was the FIVE hour cab ride to base...omw. We didn't even go that far! It was the insanely terrible traffic! I hope that I never ever get caught in that again. And yes I regret to say that it is true...people here drive like maniacs, but surprisingly have few accidents from what I hear. I am TERRIFIED to start driving! I keep walking to the wrong side of the car to get in..everything is backwards to me:( I know several Japanese women who will not drive & now I know why!!
Eric did a great job finding us a house. I'm not sure how we landed this place..it is a block from the beach & appears to be an expensive resort area. The emperor's summer home is nearby. Anyway, I'm not complaining...we will likely NEVER live in an area like this again so I better not get used to it:)Even the Denny's here is on the water. That cracked me up. I am adjusting...but I so wish I spoke Japanese & read Kanji! I hate pointing to things on the menu, it feels SO rude! (It is comforting to know that Coca-cola is universal...I think;)I am trying to learn the language.
Oh, one more thing....it is the hottest, dripping wet, stifling humidity, unrelenting heat that I have ever felt...I'm serious...no exaggeration! As I sit here writing at 4:10 in the afternoon I am dripping wet...tmi, I know.

Count Down Has Begun!!

Well, mom & dad have decided to drive me & my dogs across counrty to catch my flight to Japan. We leave next Thursday the 30th, and I have to be in Seattle on August 5th...not long now. The countdown has begun...13 days until departure!
Eric has moved into our house & our furniture arrived, yay! The bed is up & the movers unpacked almost everything. I've learned a "few" Japanese words, but how long will I remember them? Safe to say...NOT LONG! Sigh, I've always been terrible at foreign languages! Three years of French...can't speak a word!
I'm kinda freaking out about packing & such. I have a huge list of things I have to keep "on me" such as: Medication for me & dogs, 2 dog folders, 2 personal info folders, 1 large personal info file, huge medical record, 2 copies of orders, 2 dog crates (one very LARGE CRATE!), 1 large microchip reader for dogs, dog food, few books, few toiletries, zune, & little make-up. Of course I have more junk, but that is what has to be on my personage, lol.
Eric is talking about Italy after this, but I say Florida! This traveling with dogs reqires more paperwork than children.

Limbo

Limbo is not a place that I am totally comfortable...I guess most people are not happy in that place, but I have been dealing with it pretty well I would say. However, it is getting harder. I left Washington in May, so I have been in this place of limbo for over 2 months with one more month to go. The things Eric and I do for our dogs,seriously. It is worth it totally, but I hate being apart from Eric, ugg! I leave August 5th for Japan. Eric and will have maybe 2 months together, and then he will be gone for about two months...I'm going to need some prayers! I can be independent, I just prefer to be with Eric as opposed to apart from him:)Anyway, that is where I am at. Having fun here with the family...but missing the other part of my family in Japan!

Missin' my man in Japan:(

I talked to Eric today & he seemed a little sad. He is all alone in a foreign country & that made me feel bad. We are used to being together most all the time so this is kinda hard for us. He is really strong though and I know he is getting everything done for us so it will be easier for me when I get there. He found us a house, yay. I will post pics when I get some. He says it is big with 3 bedrooms...nice, given that I got rid of most of my furniture bc everyone said we wouldn't have any room. Oh well, guess I will have to get new stuff;)
I am having a great time with my family right now. We are gardening, cooking, and relaxing... I'll be honest mostly relaxing:)This Alabama heat is brutal for real. We have shopped some too. My Granny & I tried out all the recliners at Ashley Furniture. I have enjoyed spending time with her & my parents. They are fun, but I can't wait to see my man.

My sister humored me and let us have our picture drawn on the board walk in San Francisco. We turned out looking hilarious, but it was fun. I am a sucker for old people, & I just thought the man drawing the pictures was so darn cute. Tim says we look like evil dolls & made us turn it around so he couldn't see it:) I love the way that Heather came out looking asian. Thanks for humoring me Hey.

Rv Show...Can't Wait

No I am not buying an RV, as the one we like is $750,000, and way out of our housing allowance, but we are going to the Tacoma Rv show tomorrow. Eric & I love to watch rv shows on tv & discuss what requirements we would have if planning a large purchase such as this.I don't know why , but it's so fun to us. I also collect realestate magazines & mark the ones I like to show to Eric...that annoys him though b/c we will not even be in the states to purchase a house for 3-4 more years:( With the market like it is we could afford a nice place back in Florida where we used to own a little town home & want to live again one day. Since we have owned once before we have a little bit of an idea of what we would like next time. Of course, being able to "afford" our wants is a different story:)There is a show on tv that I like to watch called My First Place. I love watching the people as they home search. I enjoy living vicariously through these strangers.

Salmon and Chive Muffins

I found this recipe today, tweaked it a little & it was delicious. I am posting it here in case anyone wants to try it...I realize, my sister confirming this to me earlier today, that this recipe may sound gross, but it really was very tasty:)Would be great for a brunch type thing.

Salmon and Chive Muffins
Preheat oven to 395*
Grease muffin cups

Mix together 1 cup milk, 80 grams of melted butter, 1 lightly beaten egg, 1/2 c fresh chives (added salt & pepper to mine)in a jug & shake well.

Pour into 2 cups sifted self-rising flour & stir until almost mixed...add 1 can pink or red salmon ( I didn't want that strong of a fish taste, so I added 1 packet of mango salmon, found in grocery store by the tuna fish) Sounds gross I know...

Pour into baking cups 3/4 of the way full.
I made a little hole in the middle of each muffin & stuffed cream cheese inside.
Bake for 18-20 minutes.

It smelled so yummy baking:)

irritated

Just spent an hour writing a blog & then it disappeared! Over it! Maybe I can post later when I get another free hour!! Argh!

Recent Happenings

Well the most exciting thing literally, is that the sun has been out for 3 or 4 days!! I feel like a different person in spring & summer. I have a little more energy & I definitely have more ambition. I just feel pretty happy. I am trying not to get used to it though...spring around here is tricky. Yesterday I took the children to the pond on base...it is a little ways from my house so it was great exercise. The babies loved it...we saw an eagle! Today I took them to the gym. They have a family workout room & you can watch the kids play through a glass partition. It's nice if there aren't too many people there...otherwise it's scary! Eric has our move almost completely set up. I hope nothing big gets broken this time:( I watched a show about Tokyo & the people on the train were so crammed it looked like one of those college phone booth contests...the door wouldn't even close, they had to literally shove the people in to get the door to close...omg! NO, I am claustrophobic & I can't even think about that right now. I will deal with it if & when it happens, but I hope I do not experience that! I bought a Japanese language book...um, wow...I have no English or Japanese words to describe how lost I am when I look at that book....I will stick to the CD we borrowed for now. I only know 2 words, yes & no. Eric has a list of countries that he will get to visit, and he takes great pleasure in reminding me about that...not nice! I hope that I get to visit a few...I BETTER get to:)
One week & 3 days of home daycare left. I really will miss these babies. I know that they are not mine, but they feel like it. I am used to spending 9-10 hours with these little people, we have a routine & we know each other very well. They are good kids, I am kinda sad about leaving them:(
Not much else going on. I have been eating yellow squash for several days. I fry it with a little EVOO, hehe, & flour. It is light & delicious. I am trying to eat light at lunch to shed a few unsightly lb's. I looked in the mirror & caught a glance of horrid back fat eww. I almost screamed in dismay. I immediately instant messaged my sister to see if she new how to get rid of it, but she didn't know any good moves. I think I need to step up my weight program a little. It isn't like it's new, it just jumped out at me & looked bigger than usual, unacceptable.
One last thing. My good friend Stacy is going to have a baby:)I am so happy for her & Andy. They have a beautiful 8 year daughter who was the flower girl in our wedding & I know she is going to be a great big sister! I am very excited for them.

Weekend Exploration

We drove out to Lake Cushman this weekend & took the dogs out for a drive, we are trying to get Sig used to the car b/f we drive across the country. He was exhausted from riding in the car yesterday:)

Spring Snow...now seriously that is enough!

We woke up Sunday to a ground full of snow & buckets of it coming down! It was beautiful, but now I am ready for a little warmth & some pretty flowers:)

My Living Room Has a Dual Personality

I don't think that I have to say anything. The pictures speak for themselves. Eric can't wait to get rid of all the toys! I will not miss the paperwork hanging on the wall:)

Well, I never really have anything to much to blog about...since I do not have children , it seems like I just blog about myself & that seems very selfish...BUT, it is my blog I guess:) And it feels silly to have a blog and never write on it...so lets see. How about some randomness... I like all the posts of people's normal days! Those are so neat, I love seeing how other people do things! I also love it when some of you guys post recipes & pictures of the dish. Ummm! Eric & I were on a taco kick for quite a while...not so much now:) Mom says I've always been that way...I will eat so much of something that I end up hating it...ie..mayo...ugh! On the food note, I LOVE casseroles, but try not to make them often b/c I can't push away from them very easily. I have been craving brownies BAD but have resisted. Tonight I am making burgers & sweet potato fries...wish I was having brownies too:)
I will be doing daycare for approximately 6 more weeks & then I'm done. I have done this job for over 2 years...time for a break. I have had all infants most of that time! I DON'T know how you moms out there do it, I'm serious! Is it different with your own kids? I LOVE these babies, I really do, and I think that I am pretty good at it, but this is a hard job. People say oh, when they are your own it's different. All I can say to that is , if they were mine I would not be "free" after 4:30. Honestly, can anybody tell me honestly how hard it is?? I want to know the REAL stuff b/f I go down that path.I'm afraid that I am too selfish to have children. I can't believe I just wrote that, but it is the truth...I am selfish. And, how exspensive must it be!! Plus, I would just be heartbroken if I had a baby & it suffered from depression when it grew up or had some other physical problems that I have. I think I would adopt if I wanted kids...I think adoption is awesome. Good grief, I am getting into random things for real...I have a feeling I will end up deleting this post!
I think that this is enough of a post for now!

HORMONES!

I do not know what was wrong with me last week, but I couldn't stop crying & worrying! Oh my gosh, I must have cried for seven days:( It was terrible....seriously! I do struggle with depression, but I think that this was hormones. I'm not sure why I think that, but I do. Does anybody else ever do that? I felt hopeless & nothing helped. Then On Monday -it all stopped & I woke up happy as a lark. It may also have to do with the weather here b/c the sun came out on Monday. If anybody has any advice or has experienced this- feel free to give me your suggestions:)

British Columbia

Our weekend getaway to Victoria was way more fun than I had anticipated. I don't know what exactly it was that I was expecting, but in any case my hopes were exceeded:) The ferry ride over was initially a huge disappointment b/c the ferry was FULL to an uncomfortable capacity & Eric & I were separated for the entire 3 hour ride...not cool! I started to get really upset, but then I decided that it wasn't that big of a deal & I took a nap. Enough about that. We were able to check into the hotel early & upgrade to a room with a fabulous view. The hotel was a "green" hotel with beautiful white down duvets & tons of extra fluffy white pillows, oh and all of the bath products provided were Aveda. Anyway, the Aura restaurant was located downstairs & the chef was the winner of a prestigious chef award, and has appeared on the food network. We had a very yummy fruit sorbet from room service & a nice bottle of wine;) The breakfast-brunch buffet was out of this world, in fact, the word buffet does not quite do the meal justice. Buffet reminds me of Golden Coral, & that was not what this was! Anyway, lest you think that I am suddenly a millionaire...(I'm not!)...it is soo cheap to travel there right now! The round trip ferry for 2, and hotel plus upgrade was only $280! Very reasonable I thought. I would highly reccomend this little trip to anyone.